Torture? Going back to the parents’ home for gay

In the third episode of “What did you eat yesterday?” (きのう何食べた? in Japanese), there was a scene that the main character went back to his parents’ home. It was an uncomfortable atmosphere, I remember. This time, I would like to share my thoughts about going back to the parents’ home for gay.

Golden week starts from today in Japan. It is first-ever 10 consecutive holidays. So, it’s reported the number of travelers is more than usual. Some people who live alone like me are going back to their parents’ home, but I’m not. I have been living in Tokyo for about 20 years since I left my hometown for college. After becoming a working professional, I made sure to go back to my parents’ home during long holidays such as Golden week, Obon holidays and new year’s holidays.

However, I came to get hesitant to visit my parents’ home lately because of three reasons; the death of my grandmother, the meddling relatives, and the relationship with my mother.

The first reason is the death of my grandmother. Because of her death, I lost the strong reason to go back. I had visited her retirement home during long holidays until she passed away one year ago. As time went by, she looked weaker, that was painful for me. Therefore, I visited her to see her health condition. I strongly remember that she hugged me every time I left the home.

The second reason is the meddling relatives, that’s stressful for me. After the funeral ceremony of my grandmother, my relatives came to visit my parents’ home during long holidays.

This is off topic, but I remember that the funeral was a sacred space. The death of my grandmother strongly made me realize that the funeral attendants were related by blood. Moreover, it made me realize we had to live by helping each other, that might have been a message from my grandmother…

Going back to the story, that’s why my relatives came visit my parents’ home and the trouble was that one of them talked to me about whatever she wanted to ask.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“What is your position in your company?”
“How much is your new condo?”
I wondered if she knew the word “consideration”.

The final reason was the relationship with my mother. My mother and I have maintained good relationship. I respect her because I know how hard she was to rear me and my older brother.So, I have shared whatever happened to me except for one secret “my sexuality”. After I became in my thirties, my mother came to worry about my life after retirement. She was anxious about how I would live alone and continued that I should marry someone and have a baby as the people of the same generation do… However, I had to keep the secret. This dilemma made me keep the distance with my mother.

That’s why, I don’t go back to my parents’ home during long holidays. However, about the third reason; the relationship with my mother, I have to look for a happy medium without causing any stress to my mother.

Next June, I’m visiting my hometown a few days after one year interval.